The hardest decision of my life, should I have a baby on my own?...I got to the 'ripe old age' of 41 and panicked. I hadn't met a life partner and whats more, someone to father my children & my biological clock was ticking so loud, it was deafening. Had I missed the boat? I couldn't imagine life without kids and I had always believed I would settle young, get married and start a family. How wrong could I be? It just didn't happen. I'm not sure why I had not thought seriously about it earlier but now it all seemed impossible. Sometimes we just get so busy with life that important life decisions fade into the distance inadvertently.
One day I had a notion, with a little vote of confidence from a friend, that I could have children on my own...this was a pretty random notion as it went against everything i believed in, but the importance of having children in my life was so great that I had to try it. If one thing was certain, it was that I could be tenacious although somewhat a procrastinator at times, but at the end of the day, I knew I had the inner strength to raise a child on my own and was realistic enough to know that it would be a bumpy and sometimes lonely road, but was all worth it. I went down the fertility treatment path for the next 2years with all it's ups and downs, using an anonymous Donor and trying both IUI and IVF and was blessed with not only 1 baby but 2, beautiful twin boy and girl. I was the luckiest girl in the world. I had always dreamt of having twins. Now for the hard work...
…And so , here I was, I had gotten myself into this predicament & was now aboard the roller coaster ride of a lifetime…the excitement of what might be vs the angst of failure to conceive. The constant stress of getting funds together and meeting specialist appointments at the precise moment, which was eating through my sick leave fast! & the side effects of fertility drugs, which by the way people…play havoc with your hormones!
Of course due to my determination &, of course quite contrary to my specialist's advice ie: go straight to IVF due to my age, I was determined to prove him wrong…who was he to tell me, I could not get pregnant with artificial insemination? I’m younger at heart than a lot of those other women. Plus…it was a quarter of the cost! BUT, it was not meant to be, and as much I persisted, 4 lots of AI later & still no baby. I cried...often, how could this be? I wanted this so much, was I not meant to be a mother after dreaming of it for so long? I believed in Walt Disney’s famous quote: “if you can dream it, you can do it”…I used 2 Anonymous donors and each time felt more and more positive, but was bitterly disappointed every time.
Meanwhile a friend of mine had fallen pregnant…twice…& 1st go, via the same means, but I had to accept that she was 4 years younger & I was pushing water uphill with a rake. It was time to bit the bullet, concede defeat and move on to the next option...IVF.
Choosing a donor proved more taxing than I imagined. Firstly, there are few paternal candidates to choose from. This is probably because they are no longer compensated, so you are relying purely upon the benevolence of a stranger & their understanding of someone else’s fertility plight.
I received 2 available profiles from the IVF clinic. My heart sunk…surely there were more than 2 potential fathers? Neither jumped out at me as The One! I felt a sense of defeat like the odds were stacking up against me. How could I possibly make a good decision when there were so few to choose from & the profiles were p r e t t y bleak…on paper anyway but it’s not like I had anything else to go by at this point. There was no photo, only a single page with pretty basic details about this person I had never met!
I had to decide what information I would take on board and what I would discard. Does it matter what someone does for a living or their interests so long as they
are healthy? Is that going to be reflected in my child? I had no idea. I agonised for a week, felt like I didn’t sleep a wink, consulted with friends & felt sick in the guts.
Then I decided to have faith, yep that was my plan, belief that the right decision would come to me…& so it did.
Visit my facebook page 'twinfertility'
One day I had a notion, with a little vote of confidence from a friend, that I could have children on my own...this was a pretty random notion as it went against everything i believed in, but the importance of having children in my life was so great that I had to try it. If one thing was certain, it was that I could be tenacious although somewhat a procrastinator at times, but at the end of the day, I knew I had the inner strength to raise a child on my own and was realistic enough to know that it would be a bumpy and sometimes lonely road, but was all worth it. I went down the fertility treatment path for the next 2years with all it's ups and downs, using an anonymous Donor and trying both IUI and IVF and was blessed with not only 1 baby but 2, beautiful twin boy and girl. I was the luckiest girl in the world. I had always dreamt of having twins. Now for the hard work...
…And so , here I was, I had gotten myself into this predicament & was now aboard the roller coaster ride of a lifetime…the excitement of what might be vs the angst of failure to conceive. The constant stress of getting funds together and meeting specialist appointments at the precise moment, which was eating through my sick leave fast! & the side effects of fertility drugs, which by the way people…play havoc with your hormones!
Of course due to my determination &, of course quite contrary to my specialist's advice ie: go straight to IVF due to my age, I was determined to prove him wrong…who was he to tell me, I could not get pregnant with artificial insemination? I’m younger at heart than a lot of those other women. Plus…it was a quarter of the cost! BUT, it was not meant to be, and as much I persisted, 4 lots of AI later & still no baby. I cried...often, how could this be? I wanted this so much, was I not meant to be a mother after dreaming of it for so long? I believed in Walt Disney’s famous quote: “if you can dream it, you can do it”…I used 2 Anonymous donors and each time felt more and more positive, but was bitterly disappointed every time.
Meanwhile a friend of mine had fallen pregnant…twice…& 1st go, via the same means, but I had to accept that she was 4 years younger & I was pushing water uphill with a rake. It was time to bit the bullet, concede defeat and move on to the next option...IVF.
Choosing a donor proved more taxing than I imagined. Firstly, there are few paternal candidates to choose from. This is probably because they are no longer compensated, so you are relying purely upon the benevolence of a stranger & their understanding of someone else’s fertility plight.
I received 2 available profiles from the IVF clinic. My heart sunk…surely there were more than 2 potential fathers? Neither jumped out at me as The One! I felt a sense of defeat like the odds were stacking up against me. How could I possibly make a good decision when there were so few to choose from & the profiles were p r e t t y bleak…on paper anyway but it’s not like I had anything else to go by at this point. There was no photo, only a single page with pretty basic details about this person I had never met!
I had to decide what information I would take on board and what I would discard. Does it matter what someone does for a living or their interests so long as they
are healthy? Is that going to be reflected in my child? I had no idea. I agonised for a week, felt like I didn’t sleep a wink, consulted with friends & felt sick in the guts.
Then I decided to have faith, yep that was my plan, belief that the right decision would come to me…& so it did.
Visit my facebook page 'twinfertility'
